The above photo is from a drive I took around Lake Pepin this week with our dog, Daphne.
This is the first week that Aubrey has been doing distance learning. Some days have gone better than others for her, but for the most part she has established a routine of looking over her assignments by the time she does a zoom chat with her teacher at 11 am and spending early afternoon getting her work done. So far I think stay-at-home time works a lot better for Aubrey than the usual schedule; being able to sleep in, work at her own pace, and spend lots of time outside helps her maintain a peace of mind.
I have tried to plug away at some of my own tasks this week, while still allowing time for long walks, cups of tea, and creative cooking projects. On Monday I made some saag paneer using milk, spinach, onions, and garlic from local farms. It was incredibly delicious.
I have had a lot of conversations online, with neighbors, and with Trevor lately about the need for empty, unstructured time, especially at a time like this when the world and our routines are in constant flux and our brains need a chance to adapt to the changes. Some people I have talked to are frustrated that they aren’t being more productive right now. Others are honest about not knowing how to start anything or what to do from one moment to the next. Those who are still going about their seemingly normal routines, such as Trevor, are finding that they are getting worn out or stressed much more quickly than normal.
At the beginning of February I got to participate in a women’s retreat on the theme of transitions. Those of us in attendance had been or were currently going through transitions of all descriptions…professional, physical, psychological, and familial. It was an enlightening and soul-nourishing time to connect with others and share our experiences with each other. Much of the structure of our discussions was based around the book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges.
My biggest take-away from the retreat was the importance of what Bridges calls “The Neutral Zone”. The neutral zone is where we live when we are between stages of life, when something has ended but the new thing hasn’t yet begun. It is an important and necessary time to go through, and the longer it lasts the better off we will be in the long run.
What’s more, the neutral zone does the most good for us if it is as empty and unstructured as possible. Sitting and staring out the window. Working on a puzzle. Listening to music, or listening to silence, or listening to your surroundings. This is how we are best able to cope with change, and also how we are best able to change into the people we need to be for the next stage of life.
I have been living in a neutral zone for over a year. A series of major changes in my life left me with a lot of free time and not a lot of direction. At times it has felt like pure torture, and I have often fluctuated between making big, impractical plans and retreating in defeat. I frequently set arbitrary deadlines for myself of when I wanted the neutral zone to end, when I would suddenly regain everything that I had lost and my life would be fulfilling and meaningful again. But while I was able to find some part-time jobs that helped me feel more connected, I never found that anticipated, next-big-new-thing that I had been searching for.
As I rounded the corner into 2020, I relaxed into the realization that the neutral zone has been a gift. And it is doing me so much good. The slower pace and flexible schedule that I have been able to establish has created the kind of balanced life we often pay big money to try to regain when we are overworked and over-scheduled.
Right now we are all going through a very major transition. Everything we took for granted, our normal routines, our ways of functioning as a society have changed, and changed very quickly. Every day new changes are still happening. We don’t know when it will be over and when we will be able to regain some of what we have lost. We are living in a neutral zone.
If you find that you are staring out the window instead of at your computer, that you are feeling the need for a longer walk or nap, that you are preferring to paint or bake instead of do anything on your to-do list, rest assured that this is exactly what you are supposed to be doing right now, and it will be very good for you.
Angie Gustafson 