The sun is shining today but the air is chilly. Yesterday was very cloudy and rainy, but I managed to get short walk in with some neighbors before it started to rain. We spread ourselves out across the road as we walked, observing social distancing recommendations. We talked about what has happened, what might happen, what we need, how we are spending our time. I feel grateful to live in the country, with plenty of space to walk outside, but to also live close enough to other people that we can see and support each other easily.
So far the schedules Aubrey and I are following are working well for us. At times we need long breaks, to sit and think or read or listen or nap. So we take those times, but the planned activities are always there to give us a new direction when we are sinking too deep into boredom or loneliness.
Right now Aubrey is reading The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart.
Here is her review:
“It is a book about some kids who are really smart. They passed some tests and have to go on a secret mission to a school where the person running the school is using specific kids’ minds to generate messages that are sent all over America. The people in America don’t know they are receiving the messages because they can’t detect them. The school isn’t using all of the electric power that it is creating, but storing it instead. The main characters have to find out how the messages are being generated and what will happen once the power is boosted.
I like it because it is an exciting adventure and a mystery. And it is really good inspiration for some stories I am writing.”
I am reading Fair Play by Eve Rodsky.
What isn’t evident from the cover of this book is that it is primarily about gender equality. It examines the imbalance of unpaid and invisible work that is done in a household, and proposes a system for balancing the responsibility and expectations placed on both spouses.
Rule #1 of the Fair Play system is All Time is Created Equal. What this means is that one partner’s time isn’t more valuable because they are a wage earner. An expansion on this concept is that we don’t have to prove or earn our worth by how we spend our time. If I don’t do everything I put on my schedule for the day, it doesn’t make me a failure. If I am not working full time or advancing my career, it doesn’t mean that I am worthless.
When the current crisis started to escalate, my first thought was, “I need to make myself available as much as possible to substitute for people with health concerns at work.” Then once it became apparent that I wouldn’t be needed at work I thought, “I need to make myself available to all my neighbors and my congregation to help them in any way they need.” This is a common, self-sacrificing mentality that I have: if I set aside my own needs for the needs of others I will increase my value.
It is hard for me sometimes to accept that the best thing I can do for myself, my family, and the world is to just do nothing. To just be. To simply care for my own needs and not seek to over-extend myself.
I am still available to my neighbors, and my community. But I am also accepting the terms of this time of retreat: they might not need me. And that is ok.
Angie Gustafson 